Monday, April 19, 2010

Plotting a Murder

J.W. Patterson, you are not long for this world.

It's nothing personal. Nothing you've done to me. Nothing you've done to anyone else either. You're still going to die, though. You just saw your last sunset about an hour and a half ago, in your world - the world I've created out of words and pages. Your last beer was a Pabst Blue Ribbon, sipped while standing next to your brother on your mama's back porch, talking about his broken Camaro.

I kind of feel sorry for you, J.W. - your death is going to be horrifying. I already know all the details. And I won't hesitate to write a single one of them down. No, I already know what the last thing you're going to see is. I know what the last taste in your mouth is going to be - and it's not that beer I just mentioned. I know the sounds you'll hear as you struggle in vain to stay alive. And I know the only scent in your nostrils as you pass from this world to the next will be the smoky, earthy smell of thick red clay.

I know all these things. And by the end of my book, my readers will too.

You'll be mourned by your huge family and the good people of your town. The bowling alley will probably put up a picture of you on their wall of fame - after all, didn't you come within one spare of a 300 last year while bowling on the Jokers Wild league? You'll be missed even more by your creditors and the bank which lent you the money for that beautiful new truck you've been driving around.

But your death will serve a purpose, J.W. - more than one, actually. You'll baffle investigating officers because of the mysterious circumstances of your death. You'll prove to Jack Taylor that his brother-in-law, Dan, is involved with more sinister things than he'd ever imagined. And (this is purely selfish) you'll further the plot of this novel, drive it that much closer to completion. And I thank you for that.

So die well, J.W. Patterson. Godspeed. And when you get to whatever's next, I hope there's beautiful women, a never-ending supply of beer, and perfectly oiled lanes waiting for you.

Music Monday enthusiasts, I haven't forgotten you. Here's my song for this entry. Ha!

24 comments:

Palindrome said...

hahaha, the death of a character.

Elizabeth McKenzie said...

I really felt sorry for him.

Raquel Byrnes said...

I loved this. A pre-death obituary. Someone has the fever of omniscient puppet master today.

sarahjayne smythe said...

Hee! Great post, so very cool. So let's raise a glass to the soon-to-be dearly departed. :)

Kierah Jane Reilly said...

I loved the details, and that his last beer was a Pabst Blue Ribbon and he was on the Jokers Wild League. Brilliant!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You need to use this later when you're promoting the books - it's great!

Shannon said...

This was wonderful...very intriguing indeed!

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF POETRY: said...

I loved the concept. It wasn't until I read further I realised what you were writing about,
Will you feel sad at his demise?will you feel guilty?
I suppose writing ficton as you do and me writing poetry there is a varying difference.

Take care.
Yvonne.

Talli Roland said...

Killing is such sweet sorrrow.

Michele Emrath said...

This is fantastic. A letter to your victim. Love it!

Michele
SouthernCityMysteries

Watery Tart said...

What a great post! Oh, you have a wicked mind. I sometimes wonder what I'm doing--being not quite evil, but really more naughty... ah well... I will work with it. I loved this though!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Hee hee hee!

BTW - if you get WGGS TV, I'll be on tomorrow at 1pm on The Peggy Denny Show.
I think you're about the only one I know in the Greenville SC area to tell!

Piedmont Writer said...

This was just SWEET! Pre-obit, who'da ever thunk it? Great job, really, I mean, I want to ask when the funeral is.

Ellie said...

Just enough details to want the
character the dead! Does he deserve it...how does he die, when,...

I want more, great post, fun and intriguing and leaving us piqued
with curiosity!

You painted just enough to visualize our own J.W.( I love it)

Jen said...

Very cool post... if only he'd seen it coming, maybe something could have changed... hehe probably not!

Susan Fields said...

You sound like you're enjoying this far too much. :)

Stephanie Thornton said...

It's kind of fun to be omniscient, isn't it? And all-powerful- I always like that part. :)

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Congrats on your short story, OUT OF THE BLUE, being published. And thanks for the comments on my blog. Roland

Elliot Grace said...

...poor guy, he never had a chance:)

Wendy Ramer said...

A risky post, but very well-written.

Rae said...

You had my total attention! well written and very cool. Wish I was a professional like you.

ggray said...

Riviting! Brilliant! You have an even more wicked mind than I thought. I see no writer's remorse here in killing one of your darlings. Yes, you are enjoying this way too much. Your writing Papa would be proud!

Lisa and Laura said...

Ha! I love that you're sending him off in style. I need to remember to eulogize our characters when we kill them off. It seems very cathartic.

Sophia said...

I second Raquel, feeling omnipotent much? I suppose one of the 'perks' of being a creator is the power to destroy the created. This was a very fun read and I'm sure it was fun to write.
- Sophia.