Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Family Resemblance

For my friend, the late Jason Scott, who left us Friday evening without warning. He was 29.

Dear Scott,

I went to your funeral today.

Yeah, yeah man, I know, I don't believe it myself. All I have to do is look into my memory and I see you grinning at me and shaking your head, and I'm off again, wondering if all this is some stupid dream. But it's the truth. I sat there on the end of a row of six of your closest friends. Two ministers. A beautiful song. Friends pouring out their hearts. Brian gave your eulogy. Look at ya - not a bit surprised, huh? Yeah, he made me cry - made all of us cry, I think.

I marveled over your displayed art. I shook your father's hand. I hugged your wife. I stood outside in a circle of people who knew you far longer and better than I did, and I listened to their memories of you - always laughter and smiles. I saw how connected they all were by their love for you. How much they loved each other, how much they supported each other. I saw your love for them reflected over and over again in their words, their memories, their bittersweet happiness.

It moves me to tears to tell you that this amazing love was extended to me. I was part of the circle, a member of the family that missed you so much. Again and again I found myself being pulled in to the group, offered hugs, offered comfort. People I'd never met before today embraced me as if I were family. I was told many times how you'd spoken of me to your friends. I really want to thank you for that, because it made me feel so good when I heard it.

There's a lot I wish I'd been able to tell you before you up and left. We used to have some great talks that lasted forever, but I guess you just never get to say everything, you know? I guess the most important thing I'd want to tell you, the thing I hope you know, is how grateful I am for you. How thankful I am that you are my friend. And how much I love you for being exactly who you are.

It's not really real in my head yet; I mean, I just can't think of you as not here anymore. And maybe that's all right, maybe that's just the way it ought to be. Because I was reminded today that you're not really gone, and you never will be. You're a part of all of us. We're related by love. And when we laugh... you can see the family resemblance.

Scott, thank you for helping me be the person I am.

All my love,
B.

26 comments:

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Oh my goodness, I so so sorry. This post brought me to tears. I don't even need to know what happened - this is enough. You lost a close friend and I can relate to that. You are in my thoughts, B. I hope you are ok.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF POETRY: said...

I am so sorry for your loss and so young, What else ca one say?


Yvonne.

Piedmont Writer said...

Oh B. I am so sorry. This is just the saddest thing to hear. But you know how much he loved you and how much you loved him and it won't take the pain away, but it will lessen with time. My deepest condolences. ((hugs))

Christine Danek said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You letter is beautiful.
Take care.

Wendy Ramer said...

Wow. Scott's memory will officially live forever, not only in your heart but also in the minds of your followers. I raise my imaginary glass to you and Scott.

ggray said...

So beautifully. I'm so sorry I coulnd't be there, but because of this letter, I felt as if I was there, sitting with you listening to our friend Brian do the eulogy, feeling as if Jason were there too.
We've lost a brilliant, talented friend who cared about and espected each of his friends for the quirky individuals they are. Thanks for sharing this.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, the letter was very beautiful.

Mason Canyon said...

So sorry for the loss of your friend. You're right and a part of him will always be with you whether you realize it daily or not. Sounds like he was a great person.

Mason
Thoughts in Progress

Megan said...

A beautiful heartfelt letter. I'm so sorry for your loss.

steelxmagnolia said...

Oh, B, I'm so sad for the loss of a darling friend. Way before his time. Keep the cherished memories of your friendship and all that Jason is safe in a velvety pocket in your heart. Life is so fragile. Precious. You honor him with your words, wisdom and love.

Alice

Angie Paxton said...

I'm so sorry. Your post is a beautiful tribute.

Falen said...

what a beautiful letter.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend

Laura Marcella said...

Beautiful letter. Wishing you peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Dawn said...

A beautiful post, B. I'm sorry for your loss.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm so sorry B. Miller. He sounded like an amazing a special friend. We all hope to have people like Scott in our life.

Caledonia Lass said...

Aww B. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

Jemi Fraser said...

My thoughts are with you and your extended family. It's so hard to lose someone. Take care of yourself and treasure those memories. *hugs*

Jennie Bailey said...

It's never easy saying goodbye. Even when you have time to prepare, you are never really prepared and things still end up unsaid. I am so sorry for your loss, but very glad that you got to experience Scott in your life. It's an incredible gift to realize how someone has touched our lives. It doesn't help ease the pain much, though. What a beautiful, heartfelt letter to your friend. Thank you for sharing it with everyone.

sarahjayne smythe said...

I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful way to say good-bye to your friend.

Stephen Tremp said...

Sorry to hear of your loss. Its never easy, especially when there is no warning. Condolences to family and friends of Scott. You did an awesome job of remembering and honoring your friend.

Stephen Tremp

Watery Tart said...

This was BEAUTIFUL, and my timing really sucks... I picked you off my interesting people to be tagged for a little game, but it seems inappropriate in light of your real life STUFF... I really hope you are holding up. It's so hard to lose a young friend so suddenly.

*hugs to you*

Susan Fields said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. This was a beautiful post and a great tribute.

Sugar said...

Aww B! What a great letter to post. I know how hard it is to lose a friend, or loved one. We are all here for you dear!

melodygreen said...

What a beautiful tribute. I am so sorry that you lost such a close friend.

Theresa Milstein said...

I'm sorry I'm late sending my condolences. I got a bit behind on my blog reading.

And I'm so sorry you lost your friend. You've written a powerful tribute.

Crimey said...

I'm sorry for your loss, you have my best wishes and my sympathy.