I stepped back from posting when I realized just how much I dreaded updating my journal. I'd open the dashboard, pull up a new post and sit there, chewing my lip, my guts twisting. What the hell am I going to post about today? I'd think. The whole motivation behind this blog got mixed up with a business-minded attitude about myself and my writing. Instead of journaling about my life as a writer, I was building my "platform" in the most efficient way I could think of.
Which was what undid me, I think. Efficiency sucks. Ha, no... don't look at me like that. It sucks the creativity out of my brain. It turns music into numbers and poetry into words on a page. This stopped being my journal and started being an ongoing resume... every time I posted, I'd wonder what a potential agent or editor's opinion would be of the entry. If I was putting the right words out there. The right thoughts. The right face - that is, the face of the next published horror writer! Cue the trumpets.
Well... sorry, screw that, guys. The nature of art has nothing to do with business. I could go at this concept all soapbox-style, but you I'm sure you know what I mean.
I want to record my journey as a writer, from the small place I'm in now to the vast undiscovered country of the future. How my process works. Current projects. Learning about myself and my craft. This life experience from my little corner of the writers' universe. I took the last month to figure out why I never wanted to post anymore, and I've realized I can't turn this into a business in my brain. I have to just live my life and tell my stories. Everything else will follow along.
Hopefully you will, too. Come back soon.
P.S. I was Raoul Duke (Hunter Thompson) from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for Halloween. Picture above. I rocked it. That is all.
