It Is Finished.

On a humid summer evening in August of last year, I sat down and wrote the prologue of my novel. I didn't know it was the prologue until I'd finished it, because I hadn't considered writing a book until only a few weeks before this particular evening. I put a song on repeat and wrote until the images in my head were perfectly recorded, then sat back and read those nine pages over and over.

I can do this, I thought. I can write a book. I know it.

Now, ten months to the day, 428 pages, and 124,000 words later, my first novel is complete.

It's the best thing I've ever written in my life. Even if it never sells, I'll still love it forever and be so proud of my work. I've learned so much with this experience, and I just can't wait to keep on going down the path of my career as a writer. This has been the most exhilarating work I've ever done.

I'm so filled with gratitude that it's leaking out of my eyes a little. I just can't help it.

Thanks, Universe.

And now... I think it's party time, friends. Care to join me?

Reset Button

Hello, friends!

I've been absent from the internet for the past few days because I've been out of town. I went to the coast to celebrate a friend's upcoming marriage and we had a fantastic time. It was something I didn't know how much I needed until I was back home and thinking about how much better I felt after unplugging from everything for four days.

I've been living in my own little thundercloud for the past six weeks or so, and I didn't even realize how much the storm had consumed me until I was suddenly away from it with no way to get to a phone or the internet. Instead of the panic I was expecting, all I felt was a blessed form of relief. On the way home (a four hour drive by myself), I did a lot of thinking about my current situation - with the book, the Clark Kent job, everything. Being away from the whole scene helped me see how much I've been stressing out about everything, from word count to work duties, and how much of a toll it's taken on me. At least half of stress is perception based - you may not be able to change your stressors, but you can choose how you react to them - and I'm so grateful that I was given a chance to see that I need to change my perceptions about my daily life.

Instead of beating myself over the head with the goal of finishing the book by the end of May, I'm being a lot more kind to myself and rejoicing in how much work's been done. I know I'll finish, and probably within the time frame I've given myself - but I no longer feel as if I've failed or am in danger of failing an important task I've given to myself. The Clark Kent job does not feel like a prison sentence; it seems like a gift again. I'm refreshed and ready to finish this novel and get on to the next step in my life.

And when I got home, I saw so many lovely people have passed on my Pay it Forward giveaway on their blogs, twitter and Facebook! How incredible! You guys are an inspiration! It was amazing to see how things had progressed in the four days I was gone. Not only did more than ten people blog about the giveaway, but I also now have 121 followers! Only four more 'til the MYSTERY PRIZE is included in the booty list! (Booty list... now that was just fun to type, heh).

Are you stressing about something right now? Is it weighing down on you, or racing through your mind, keeping you from being calm? I know you might not be able to physically get away like I did this weekend, but try to mentally take a step back from that stress and see if you can take a different approach to the problem. Breathe - in through the nose for a four-count, hold it for a seven-count, let it out slowly through your mouth for an eight-count. Feel better? Need to vent? The comments section is always open.

Pay it Forward Update

Hello all! I announced my very first blog contest, the Pay it Forward Giveaway, on Friday of last week, and I have a couple of updates about it for you!

First, THANKS for all the wonderful comments, reposting, and goodwill-spreading! I've gotten a great response for this so far! I can only hope the two weeks will continue to be as amazing as the first few days of the contest were. In just three days, I received over 200 entries from interested bloggers! WOW!

I also gained 11 followers already - YEAH!! Welcome, new folks! Take a look around! Here are a few entries for you to peruse while you're here. They're some of my most popular posts, and you can learn a bit about me and my blog if you decide to take a gander:

Lycanthropy Awareness (from Arlee Bird's A to Z blog challenge)
A Fine Romance, With No Pages
Clark Kent vs. Superman

11 new people! That means we only have 14 more to go before a MYSTERY PRIZE gets added to the contest! Whoooo!! I think I'm as excited about that mystery prize as I am about the contest itself!

Also, Curt and Shane from Mooks in the Movies have thrown something out there to be added to the Pay it Forward Giveaway grand prize! As you know, the winner gets to choose EITHER a $25 gift card to the bookseller of their choice OR what I like to call an "Author Sponsorship Package" which includes me purchasing your published work (up to a $25 value), reviewing it on the blog and your bookselling website of choice, giving you and your work plugs on my Twitter and Facebook and hosting an author spotlight on my blog for you. Well, Curt and Shane are adding this little gem to that package:

To sweeten the pot, I am offering this. In addition to the sweetness of her prizes, we Mooks will name a character in one of our screenplays after the winner! You heard it right folks! Now, with respect to people's privacy, we will handle that this way:

We can name the character using your first name, screen name, or just a name you really like. We will also post a link to the winner's preferred media here on our blog as well. So, if you are the winner, you get your name used in one of our screenplays, and we will announce you as the winner, with a link to your blog, website, whatever!

How cool is THAT?? Awesome, huh? If you haven't had a chance yet, get on over there and follow their blog! You'll get +7 entries in the contest for it!

Also, Kierah Jane Reilly did her own spin on the Pay it Forward contest here. She started a really neat trend on her blog that's spread out to at least four other blogs so far... can't wait to see how far it goes! And I love your choices for the "In real life hangout", Keirah!

One more thing... the Pay it Forward Giveaway is inspiring another group of writers to compose some Pay it Forward drabbles! If you don't know what drabbles are: they're pieces of flash fiction, written in exactly 100 words. No more, no less. I can't wait to see more about this and share it with you as it develops!

Thank you so much to everybody who's gotten involved with this! I love this community!

The Pay it Forward Giveaway ends at midnight on Monday, May 31st! If you'd like to know more, visit this link for details!

Pay it Forward Giveaway

Hello, friends!!

First, THANKS for all the kind comments on the entry regarding color in prose yesterday! I'm excited so many people liked the idea. And YES, I hit 100 followers! *internet high fives all around* Thank you, everybody!

Second, a story -

I pulled the cash out of the bank envelope. A hundred dollars cash back, just like I'd...

Wait a sec.

Four twenties and a hundred? I checked my deposit receipt and blinked in surprise. It showed the amount I'd asked to be deposited.

Eighty extra dollars...

I've told you a little about my life, enough for you to know I'm pretty damn poor, right? Eighty dollars. SO much money. And in cash... untraceable, I said to myself. I kept seeing the little yellow Community Chest card from Monopoly.

I drove around the block. Take it back or keep it? My brain was yelling for that cash. But my gut and my heart were reminding me of KARMA... and I just couldn't in good conscience keep the extra money. It wasn't mine to keep! Before I could talk myself out of it, I went back to the bank and went in.

When the teller counted her drawer and realized I wasn't joking about an extra eighty dollars in my envelope, she looked at me, pale in the overhead fluorescents. Her eyes were wide. "Thank you," she said in a trembling voice. "You literally just saved my job." She went on to explain that anything more than a $50 discrepancy in a drawer was grounds for instant termination.

She also told me that she had never experienced a customer coming back in to give back money after a mistake had been made. She looked at me as if I'd grown an extra head. Grateful, but wary.

She thanked me again, and I told her if she really wanted to thank me, she should just pass the good deed along. She gave me a little smile and nodded. Who knows? It just might work.

End of the story. Well, that particular chapter, anyway. Or, perhaps it was a prologue? Because I'd like to announce my first-ever blog contest! Flourish of trumpets, please!

The B. Miller Fiction
Pay It Forward Giveaway
So... seems as if doing the right thing has gone outta style. I'd like to try to change that. And I'd like you to help me. First, let me tell you what the prize is ('cause I hate waiting, and I know you do too).

The grand prize for this giveaway is the winner's choice. EITHER a $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble (or Borders, Amazon, etc - whichever you prefer) sent directly to your preferred mail receptacle, OR...

If you are a writer with published work available for purchase, I will buy your novel/story collection/chapbook, etc., up to a value of $25. I will also read your work and give a review on your chosen website, as well as a review and a plug on my blog, Twitter, and Facebook fan page. I will go to my local library and booksellers and ask that your work be stocked on my local shelves in Greenville, South Carolina. And, if you're willing, I will do a guest feature on my blog for you, complete with interview and links to your media.

Yes! You're smiling! I can tell! Awesome!

OK, ready to hear the rules?

This will be, like many contests out there in blogland, a multiple-entry contest. Here are the basic ways to get entries:

Comment on this post: +1
New follower: +1
Old follower: +2
Tweet or post on Facebook about this contest: +2
Follow me on Twitter (@bmillerfiction): +2
Become my fan on Facebook (see sidebar): +2
Blog about this contest: +3
Include this post in your sidebar: +3

This contest is called "Pay it Forward" for a reason. I want to support my writing community however I can, which is why my grand prize is one of your books. I'd also like to help some fellow bloggers expand their audience. So, if you go follow any of these blogs, you'll get +7 entries in the contest.

Kierah Jane Reilly
Curtis and Shane at Mooks in the Movies
Dawn at Through the Looking Glass

Write a story or a poem about paying it forward. Post it on your blog, with a link back to this entry. You'll get +10 entries.

Still with me? OK, last thing... do something selfless. Doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's something outside of your usual routine. Something you have to go out of your way to do. If the recipient of your good deed asks you how they can repay you, tell them to pass the goodwill along to someone else. Post about this encounter in your blog. Link back to this post. Make sure to let me know with a comment (or send me an email at millerb75 at gmail dot com). For this, you will get an additional +25 entries.

This contest will run until the end of the month. I will be announcing the winner on Tuesday, June 1st. I'm also working to get the WIP MS done by the end of the month so we will have cause for a double celebration! YEAH!

I will also be giving away a MYSTERY PRIZE for each additional 25 followers on my blog. Oooooo... You can't resist a mystery, can you?! :D

Don't forget to let me know what you've done to up your contest entries. Post them on this entry or email them to me at millerb75 at gmail dot com. Remember, if you don't let me know what you've done, you won't get the extra entries. If you have questions, comments, etc, feel free to drop me an email.

Good luck, friends! Oh... and have a fantastic weekend!

PRESSURE... and Gratitude!

Happy Monday, everybody!

Oh, I hear you... Ugghhh... What's so happy about Monday, B.??? Believe me, I'm having a hard time convincing myself there's occasion to be enthusiastic. But there is. First off, it's Yvonne's and Ellie's birthdays today, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ladies! Head over there and wish them a happy birthday today if you can.

Secondly, I will be announcing my FIRST EVER blog contest very soon! I am very close to hitting 100 followers and I want to do something to celebrate. (I'm also within rock-throwing distance of finishing the first draft of my WIP novel, so that'll be part of the party too!) Make sure to check back here this week for an important contest announcement. I'm very pleased about my idea for a prize and I think y'all will be too.

Also, I don't know about your neck of the woods, but South Carolina is having one of its gorgeous pre-summer weeks... perfect temperature, bright blue skies, green everywhere, a soothing breeze... you can't ask for much better weather than this. It'll be hotter than the law should allow in a few weeks, so I'm doing my best to appreciate what I have right now.

I guess that's my motto at the moment... appreciate what I have now, because you don't know how long it will last. I took a couple of days off from blogging last week to get my head straight after losing a close friend, and after spending some time doing a lot of serious thinking, what I keep coming back to is a feeling of gratitude. Gratitude for the people I know, the friends I have, my ability to lose myself in my writing. Yesterday, Mother's Day, was an exercise in gratitude for my family. There are so many things to be grateful for and I am trying to recognize each of these things and rejoice in them. One of those things is YOU, my friend. I love my blogging community and am so glad I'm a part of it. You guys keep me going! Thanks for all that you do.

My music-related feature for Music Monday this week is this video from Billy Joel. It's an old song but a great one. (I can't believe this song is almost thirty years old!) I was thinking about it last night because of all the ridiculous CRAP I gotta get done this week. "Real-life" stuff at the Clark Kent job, mostly, but there are other things that have to get done too. But I'm refusing to buckle under the PRESSURE... I'm trying to use it to my advantage.

Enjoy.



That's it for Monday. Hope you have a fantastic week, friend!

Dog Tag Dedication

I never knew my maternal grandfather. He died in the late sixties, several years before I was born. My paternal grandfather passed away even earlier than that - when my dad was still a kid. When I was younger, I never gave much thought to not having a grandfather; like most children, I accepted the ins and outs of my family dynamic without question. Other children had granddads, and of course I understood the concept. I just didn't have one of my own.

We never really talked about my dad's father - I guess he was just too young when his dad died to be able to relay much about him to us - but my mom talked about her father every so often while telling me stories of her childhood. I remember being fascinated by these tales of my mother as a girl. I listened faithfully, rapt in her memories, learning about my grandfather (whom my mother referred to as "Daddy" and my sister and I always called "Papaw"), his huge heart and wicked sense of humor. There weren't many of these anecdotes, and I can still quote them chapter and verse. But they were still only a handful of glimpses into the rich life of a man who passionately loved his town and his family.

In recent years I've grown much more interested in our family's history. I discovered some interesting facts about my heritage, such as my grandmother's membership in the Daughters of the American Revolution and the Daughters of the Confederacy. I learned I was related to two governors of South Carolina (both held office in the 1700's). I also found out that my great-great grandfather, Yelvon Brown, was an officer in the Confederate Army in Virginia. What a lineage!

Yesterday while I was visiting with my family for Easter, I found a bag of my mom's "keepsake jewelry". Through the plastic I saw the distinctive shape of dog tags tucked in with assorted bracelets, watches, pins, and charms. I dug them out and was delighted to find they were my grandfather's. They list his name and Army serial number, next of kin, and religion. There was also a small weatherproofed portrait of my grandmother with the tag, and on the opposite side of her portrait was a real four-leaf clover pressed against the photo's backing paper, perfectly preserved under the clear plastic. Mom said my grandmother had it made for him, just before he was shipped out.

Mom gave me the dog tags to keep for a while. I asked for them; I felt compelled. Now I can't stop thinking of my grandfather in the war: a couple years younger than me, homesick for his town and his wife, proud to help his country end the war as however he could. He wore this chain overseas and back home again; it was around his neck as he wrote letters to my Mamaw and slogged through mud and wished on evening stars to get back safe to his home in the Appalachians. He looked at the picture of my grandmother thousands of times in the two and a half years he was at war, wishing he could step right into its black-over-white composition and take her into his arms. He pressed his thumb over that four-leaf clover for luck over and over again as he faced dangerous situations, and its magic never failed him. Wearing these tags, I have the clearest sense of him as a real person I've ever had.

Eight months ago, I started a journey. One month left. It's an uphill battle but I refuse to surrender. I'm using this totem to remind me of the bravery I come from; the determination and pride which runs in my family. In me. I'm wearing the tags around my neck right now. That four-leaf clover is getting a workout, let me tell you.

As for Music Monday... This post might not be entirely music related, but I do have a thought for you. Long ago my mother told me what my Papaw's favorite song was. I think I'll go listen to it now. So, friends, if you know "Sixteen Tons" by "Tennessee" Ernie Ford, feel free to hum along.

Beating Self-Doubt

It took me a long time to decide to write a book.

I've been writing for most of my life (since I was four or so). Over the years, especially in my school career, I've written more short stories and poems than I can remember. I went to Governor's School in 1991 and 1993, and went to college on a writing scholarship (a fun but short-lived higher education experience; I left college a year and a half after I started). After college, I kept writing, but didn't get serious about it for several years. When I finally started writing again in the spring of 2000 - this time for an online writing contest at the ACW Club, I wasn't sure if I still had the knack for making things up and writing 'em down. I won the first contest I entered, and two more after that, so my confidence was bolstered and I kept writing stories here and there, never considering sending them out for serious consideration by writing markets.

Until I met my fellow writing compatriot and Reedy River Rat Gail Gray, I'd only gotten the courage to send one of my stories out for publication. I sent it to ten different markets and got rejected ten times. After that I gave up submitting for a while, until Gail convinced me I should try again. The self-doubt was overwhelming, but I finally did it... and to my surprise, the piece was accepted.

What a rush! The self-doubt got beaten back into a corner, squealing in pain (but still alive, oh yes, it's almost impossible to kill - like some kind of mental cockroach *shudders*). I started sending out more pieces, and found a few more homes for my stories. This bolstered my confidence even more, and I realized one day about a year after the first acceptance that I was writing all the time. Short stories and poems, mostly, but still good stuff. I was attending a regular writers' meeting and the quality of my work got better and better. "You should write a book," they told me. "It would be amazing!" Every time I'd bring a new short story to the table, Gail would tell me, "You could turn this into a novel." (Seems like I've been long-distance writing my whole life and didn't know it, heh.)

But still the self-doubt remained. I never finish anything long-term, the self-doubt said disparagingly. I'll just get so far into it and quit. Or that's just too long of a project, the self-doubt would whisper. Why work on something that'll take at least a year to finish and then never get published?

The prologue of the novel came to me one night in early August, and after composing it in a white-hot fever of creativity, I sat back and read over those first few pages, wondering to myself, can I keep this going? Can I actually write a book? Is there enough in this story to make it believable and entertaining? Is this something I...

"Oh, quit it already," I said to myself. "Just do it, for God's sake." For a wonder, the self-doubt shut its mouth and I kept on writing.

Since then, it's crept back over and over again, but I keep beating it back with the biggest stick I can find. I show it all the pages I've written, the encouraging notes from writers' meeting, the way the plot has developed and taken on a mind of its own. When self-doubt whispers that I'm not (flourish of trumpets, please) a REAL WRITER, I remind it to look my writing credits, my query letters for short pieces, and my blog and the people who follow me, because all those things prove that I am what I say I am. I show it my timeline for getting the novel completed and published, and I remind it that I'm using the Clark Kent job as a means to an end to get where I need to be.

I tell it, in no uncertain terms, to f&$k off.

And sometimes - MOST times, at least lately, while I'm riding the high of creating this crazy novel - it does.

What do you do to beat your own self-doubt? How do you remind yourself that you are exactly where you're supposed to be?

Two jobs, one hope

Like the majority of writers out there, I don't make *quite* enough money yet from my craft to make ends meet. (Insert good-natured yet cynical laughter here; the asterisks above are an indicator of sarcasm, friends). Hopefully that'll change one day, but right now I'm stuck having to work two jobs: the one that pays my rent, gas bill, phone bill, and other expenses... and the other, which offers payment on a much more emotionally rewarding scale: when I'm writing, I'm being paid in the totality of imagination. It's my escape, my voice, my therapist, my joy, my secret, my everything.

It's difficult to work a full-time "real world" job and then turn around and be creative. I don't produce as much as I'd like to; there are days when I can't even shift my brain into productive mode, and am lucky if I can do something as creative as cooking a simple dinner. Forget writing, forget tapping into the elemental ribbon of universal truth: I'm tired, dammit, and I want an ice cream sammich. I'm able to push myself into creative movement more and more often; after all, I understand that talent is a muscle and you must exercise it for your endeavors to grow. You must grind to shine, in other words. But that's easier said than done, more often than not.

The "real world" job I have right now involves sales, lots of sales. But it really is kind of a fun job. I have an old journal, one I left behind when I was unceremoniously booted from the poisonously safe refuge of Corporate America, cast out to drift in the vast gray sea of the lower middle class and the service industry which it so warmly embraces. I read a few entries from that journal earlier today, and now I'm filled with one of my favorite emotions, gratitude.

Gratitude and luck... I feel so very lucky to have lost my 40k a year job, and to be leading a totally different life from what I had two years ago. (Now, I bet you're wondering... is there more sarcasm in that remark? Ah, gentle reader, there were no asterisks around that statement, were there?) Yeah, it's tough. My job pays very little (a bit more than a third of what I was making in C.A., I just got my W2 for last year and it was quite the eye-opener), and I've had to implement a rigid budget to make sure bills get paid on time. And they still don't all get paid on time. Money is ridiculously tight, so much so that I applied for state benefits (EBT/food stamps), and was approved the same day I filed my paperwork. I'm not lamenting that, though. It just adds to the gratitude.

And I have another trade-off... I'm not under the backbreaking weight of constant pressure that builds and builds and builds when you're working in a cubicle farm. I'm not tied to a desk, don't have to be in the office at any specific time, and can leave to go out in the sunshine whenever I want to, provided I complete the work I have to do in the time I'm allotted. I was reading back over all those posts from when I worked in a huge office, and over and over I kept saying, "I hate it here. I hate being here. I wanna be out in the sunshine. I wanna be in a place I can have fun." More than that, the constant emotional punishment of living and working a hefty salary white-collar job ate away at my drive to write. "It's all right," I'd say to myself, "I work so hard, and I'm making good money... I'm too tired to write. I don't have time right now. I'll write later."

Well... it's later, kids.

Now I have what I need... money's tight, true. It's hard to spread myself between two ventures, yes. But I'm on the right path (the write path? heh). I'm grateful, so grateful I've been given this chance to honor the Muse. I'm so glad I've been laid low financially. "Prosperity breeds forgetfulness." Sadly, it's the truth. Right now everything makes me grateful, because times are so hard. And because of that, there's a lot of light and love in my life right now.

And hope. Never forget hope.