Family Resemblance

For my friend, the late Jason Scott, who left us Friday evening without warning. He was 29.

Dear Scott,

I went to your funeral today.

Yeah, yeah man, I know, I don't believe it myself. All I have to do is look into my memory and I see you grinning at me and shaking your head, and I'm off again, wondering if all this is some stupid dream. But it's the truth. I sat there on the end of a row of six of your closest friends. Two ministers. A beautiful song. Friends pouring out their hearts. Brian gave your eulogy. Look at ya - not a bit surprised, huh? Yeah, he made me cry - made all of us cry, I think.

I marveled over your displayed art. I shook your father's hand. I hugged your wife. I stood outside in a circle of people who knew you far longer and better than I did, and I listened to their memories of you - always laughter and smiles. I saw how connected they all were by their love for you. How much they loved each other, how much they supported each other. I saw your love for them reflected over and over again in their words, their memories, their bittersweet happiness.

It moves me to tears to tell you that this amazing love was extended to me. I was part of the circle, a member of the family that missed you so much. Again and again I found myself being pulled in to the group, offered hugs, offered comfort. People I'd never met before today embraced me as if I were family. I was told many times how you'd spoken of me to your friends. I really want to thank you for that, because it made me feel so good when I heard it.

There's a lot I wish I'd been able to tell you before you up and left. We used to have some great talks that lasted forever, but I guess you just never get to say everything, you know? I guess the most important thing I'd want to tell you, the thing I hope you know, is how grateful I am for you. How thankful I am that you are my friend. And how much I love you for being exactly who you are.

It's not really real in my head yet; I mean, I just can't think of you as not here anymore. And maybe that's all right, maybe that's just the way it ought to be. Because I was reminded today that you're not really gone, and you never will be. You're a part of all of us. We're related by love. And when we laugh... you can see the family resemblance.

Scott, thank you for helping me be the person I am.

All my love,
B.